The lady in the loo, couldn’t do a proper poo
Cos her gut had been abused all of it’s life.
She loved a gin and a rolling pin to make lots of pies,
That pleased her little greedy eyes.
"Take care of your tum"
A poem by Yvonne de Mornay Penny
She loved a beer and rum and grog,
Then have to sit upon the bog,
With trousers wrapped around her knees,
She’d have to say “Oh pardon please.”
She’d have a go at any food, especially when abroad,
The all-inclusive package deal,
Is what she did afford.
She loved her sweets, Turkish delight.
She’d go on nibbling in the night.
And then the very next day, she was at it right away,
Nibble, nibble, munch, munch, munch,
Oh yippee dee,
It’ll soon be time for lunch.
Flying saucers, bubble gum, all that sugar in her tum,
No wonder now she’s got the runs.
Fish and chips, pickled eggs,
She always thought she had fat legs.
She loved the nuts, the figs, the dates,
She’d also stayed up very late,
To watch old films on the T.V.
Then go to bed around about three.
In the early hours she’d raid the fridge,
What an eyeful and oh! There’s a trifle.
It’s hot today and in the freezer, looking for a cooling easer,
Ice cream, lollipops and a mousse, she checked her belt,
It wasn’t loose.
She loved her toast and jam and honey,
She liked it thick, she liked it runny.
She loved to dance and prance about,
I’m quite surprised she’s free of gout
Jam tarts, fondant fancies, a tasty pink wafer,
Then off to the shops for toilet paper.
Happy, sad, bored or jolly, any excuse to have a lolly,
Sunday roast with all those veg,
And now thrombosis in the leg.
Juicy roast lamb, lots of mint sauce,
And sticky toffee pudding for second course.
.
Birthdays, buffets and leaving doos,
Much more food and many more poos,
That aren’t quite healthy, they smell, they’re loose,
Oh look, another tasty mousse.
And there’s all that healthy stuff,
Of which we can never get enough,
As long as we add a lot of cream,
Salt, pepper, a bit of dill,
Your family will soon be reading your will.
Driving to the petrol station,
Too many choccy bars, too much temptation.
Then in the glove box, out of sight,
A bag of wine gums will put things right.
Anger, rage, suppressed emotions,
Rashes, pills and lots of potions,
Designed to heal with good intentions.
They make you sick and then feel dizzy,
Then off you pop for something fizzy.
So listen mothers, fathers all,
Don’t bother with that sugar at all.
It kills good health, it makes you fat,
And I’m not having any more of that.
You’ll smile a lot, have lots of fun,
You may even decide to go for a run,
And when you’ve got your nice slim bum,
Your mobility scooter will cease to hum.
You’ll strut your stuff and repeat, enough’s enough
You’ll save more money, you’ll get quite slim,
You might even consider joining a gym.
You’ll make more friends, you’ll have much more,
Your husband may even cease to snore.
Fun drawings, by artist Debbie de Mornay Penny based in Somerset, England
